


Welcome to Night Vale Writings (Broadcasts from Nowhere)

by DarthSuki



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Drabble Collection, Multi, Night Vale Community Radio, POV First Person, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-05 02:44:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17316581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthSuki/pseuds/DarthSuki
Summary: This is a compilation of drabbles for the WTNV fandom written in the format of a character's speaking in terms of a broadcast, recording or one-sided phone call, originally from the tumblr blogWTNVWritings.The majority of these are reader-centric content and will be labeled according to included characters, topic and rating.





	1. Rules / FAQ

 

### How can I put in a request?

If you want to send in a request, please either send it in via an ask on the WTNV Writings tumblr blog, or comment your request on the first two chapters of this work (FAQ / Masterlist).

 

### What kinds of requests do you take?

I am very open-minded with requests, and are more than willing to do:

  * NSFW and SFW
  * Smut, fluff, and angst
  * Kinks and fetishes of all sorts!



**I will not write scat, gore, vore, or rape outside of a scene/fantasy format.**

In addition to the above, I’d like to specify that I have no judgement on kink, ship or whatnot, though please bare with me if I decided to take on a kink I’m not personally into or are familiar with–I may ask for clarification if needed!

 

### What characters can/can’t you write for?

In terms of personality, I will write for nearly every character of the podcast.

In terms of content, I will  _not_  write anything containing sexual activity with characters who are underage (if they are written, they will be explicitly aged-up).

 

### How long does it take to fill my request?

Since these requests are for fun,  **the time it takes for me to complete a specific one can vary**. I go in and out of fandoms and have various responsibilities to deal with in my full-time job, so there may be times where I won’t have the motivation or inspiration to write much–but I’m usually more than happy to answer general asks and talk about all sorts of things!


	2. Masterlist

### About the Masterlist

This masterlist is to organize all of the content listed in this work based on character included in each headcanon. If you don't see a character in the list below that belongs to the fandom for this work, it's likely due to the fact that I either haven't gotten a request for them or simply haven't gotten to requests for them yet! Please let me know if there are any issues with this list.

* * *

Please excuse the mess, this is still under construction! 

### Cecil Palmer **  
**


	3. Cecil: Just a touch of jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Request:** i'm ngl i can picture in my head clearly cecil getting jealous of steve carlsburg when reader is tasked with doing something together with him. maybe reader is fact checking something and steve is the only one who can help us during then. even if steve is being totally cordial with it cecil still thinks he's being Too Friendly with us. just who does STeve CarLSBURG think he IS?? doesn't help that cecil has that omnipotence thing over NV so he can see how close reader and steve are during it all.

Listeners, I think I have a problem. 

Oh I know, you’re probably thinking, ' _Cecil, what kind of problem could you have? You always seem so upbeat; you always remember to pay your bills and commit due diligence to prepare for the Far Off, Yet Ineviatable End that is to come of the world._ ’ 

You would be right on all of those things, dear listeners, especially as I braved through the Ralph’s to get my cache’s annual supply of water rations. It was a half-off special! Well, half-off as you would be sliced in half if you didn’t perform the correct blood ritual and ward off the spirits currently inhabitating the Ralph’s.

Regardless, I seem to be getting off the very important, very personal point.

You are all very familiar with my assistant? The one who showed up many months ago in the studio, with their perfect eyes and perfect smile and perfect hair–yes, you all know that one, we all do. I like to think that our little community has benefited quite a lot from them being around. I mean, after all, they are the most generous and kind-hearted person here with all they do, with the exception of Marcus Vansten, the richest community member of Night Vale (we know he is a great person simply due to how much money he has, of course, how could he be anything other?).

Well, it so happens that I needed to send my assistant to do some research on the local, recent events with the shapeshifting brooms and their connection to the old town fireworks display last week. They made their way to the Night Vale Library (which just recently had doors added for the season) and ended up bumping into none other than Steve Carlesburg.

Steve Carlesburg, that inept, inattentive, foolish man who has–and I hate to say this listeners–taken to helping my assistant in locating the right ancient tomes of endless suffering. The nerve of that man, who does he think he is? He is  _married_ , for heavens sake and he’s….he’s…talking to them? Smiling at them? What intentions do you have with my assistant, you cursed  ** _Steve Carlesburg_**?

He’s standing close to them, close enough that his hand is on their shoulder and their lips are moving to let out a laugh and–did he tell a joke? Are they laughing at his joke?

_…do they laugh like that when I tell jokes?_

Listeners, I have nothing against my assistant having a social life. I have nothing against them making friends. We, after all, know and love them considerably; they are the highlight to many of our meaningless, simple, temporary lives. But…I just…I don’t know what to do, which is not all that common of an occurrence, especially as I was able to achieve the coveted ‘Omnipotent Knowledge of All Solutions’ badge in boy scouts. 

I don’t know the words this makes me want to tell them. I’m not even quite sure how to label these feelings in my chest right now, sitting just beside the fragile facsimile of a heart that occasionally beats.

What do you all think I should do? Am I correct in being angry? Is there perhaps something that I’m missing?


	4. Cecil: Sandstorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Request:** i didn’t know you had nightvale aus! i really like the one where we’re kevin’s assistant! i feel so bad for him. :( but does this mean cecil doesn’t have an assistant? or do we also have a double?? could write something from when the NV people met the DB people? what would cecil think of his assistant’s double? what would kevin think of his assistant’s double?

Listeners? I hope that you’re still able to hear me; the sandstorm has only gotten thicker from the last time I’ve broadcast, and I’m getting reports that it’s only going to get worse. 

The Sheriff’s Secret Police has released a statement saying that everyone should take adequate shelter from this storm: huddle in the corner of your home and have a hand-held radio nearby for easy access to updates, even in the case that you realize during this time that your life is meaningless and fate is a cruel being beyond our understanding of the universe. 

They also remind that you should make sure that any sand does not obscure the view of all the cameras they have placed inside your home, so be sure to check them when you feel it is safe enough to do so.

The City Counsel has also released a statement in this time: the statement comes in the form of an aged, bloody letter left beneath my recording desk, looking older than what should be expected for what would otherwise be a relatively recent announcement, as the sandstorm has only been going on for the past 24 hours or so.

I’m opening the note now-

_*crinkling paper noises are heard*_

I have opened the note and it says: nothing. 

Literally, looking beyond the bloodstained paper that weighs upon my mind like countless lifetimes of knowledge, there is simply nothing written upon it. Instead, a small cockroach has fallen from the note. It’s skittering around my desk, listeners, and I can barely make out the words ‘NOT OUR DOING’ written on the roach’s back.

I know that all of you are hoping to hear an update to the newest development in the studio. You will recall that, as many citizens of Night Vale are experiencing, there is a double of my assistant with me. They and my assistant–the original one–are sitting together in the editing room. I’m not quite sure what the situation is, listeners, but all I do know is that my assistant’s double looks absolutely  _terrified._

I did not know how to comfort them from their unknown fear, so my assistant is speaking to them instead; they’ve always been very good at these sorts of things, as all of you may know. Their kindness and warm heart is such a constant in all our lives in Night Vale, a welcoming sight to see at the beginning of every day and–

What?

Listeners, I’m looking at my assistant through the glass. They are looking at me, saying something that I cannot hear but I can vaguely make out through the reading of their lips.

They…..are…..from Desert Bluffs? What? Listeners, I’m not quite sure what is going on, but from the frantic speaking of my situationally-mute assistant, but from what I’m getting of them talking–though I should probably stop talking myself to better understand them–they are telling me that this double of theirs is actually from Desert Bluffs, and is a radio host assistant in their local radio studio themselves!

Does this mean that our doubles are not mere copies, created by an Unseen yet Powerful Force hovering over our town? I don’t quite know what is going on, dear listeners, but this gives us all another reason that  _we should not fight our doubles!_ I understand that it is our natural reaction to combat any doppelgangers we see, as is what we are all taught in the third-grade, but we must not fight them!

I’m looking to my assistant again and this time there is something more–no, I’m sorry, it is their double that I’m looking at now, turned to me and saying something muted by the glass. I’m looking at their eyes–which are filled with terror, by the way–and they are asking something of me.

Kevin? 

I’m looking at them right now and I can see them asking: ‘where is Kevin? I’m scared, please, where is Kevin?’

I’m not quite sure who this ‘Kevin’ is that they are asking for, listeners, but rest assured that my assistant is calming them down. Yes. Good. I understand that this is confusing for all of us, but I will leave you all back on the repeating instructions produced by the Sheriff’s Secret Police so that anyone who missed it the first time will also be able to have the words, burning, etched into their soul for all eternity.

More on the sandstorm as we have information, listeners; please stay safe.


	5. Kevin: Sandstorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Request:** i didn’t know you had nightvale aus! i really like the one where we’re kevin’s assistant! i feel so bad for him. :( but does this mean cecil doesn’t have an assistant? or do we also have a double?? could write something from when the NV people met the DB people? what would cecil think of his assistant’s double? what would kevin think of his assistant’s double?

Good Afternoon Desert Bluffs! Or, well I only can assume it’s afternoon right now. The StrexCorp mandated Productivity Clock isn’t working, presumably due to the effects of the sandstorm outside, and the storm itself is so thick that it’s completely blocked out the sunlight! I know a lot of you are worried, but rest assured: everything will be alright. You will be able to make up for all the lost productivity time and your family will be completely safe!

I have already gotten several calls and emails in regards to the newest guest in the studio! Oh Desert Bluffs, you remember that just a little while ago I reported on finding a double of my assistant? Of course you remember!  _We wouldn’t let you forget_.

They are turning out to be quite the delight. My assistant and their double are in the editing room together, talking away–I can see the two of them now, don’t they look adorable? I almost hope that their double will still be here once the sandstorm decides to leave our little town alone; it’s lovely enough to have one assistant, but two of them? Think of all the things an unorganized man like myself would be able to achieve, listeners!

Oh, don’t you worry, I only joke; if I didn’t achieve a satisfactory score on my annual work skills and productivity assessment I wouldn’t be here. As in having my job! Someone else would probably have this job, someone more suited to being able to report on all the wonderful news for such a beautiful community like ours! While I’m on the topic, let me remind you that mid-quarter applications are due next week for those who are still looking for a job. We don’t want anyone sitting at home all sad and unproductive–and don’t worry, StrexCorp knows who you all are!

Back to the topic of my assistant’s new double: I think they are really liking it here, listeners! I’m not quite sure how they got here, but I’m looking at the glass separating the editing room from my recording booth and  _my_  assistant is mouthing something…

Night Vale? They are from Night Vale? Oh, goodness, you’re saying that they are  _also_  the assistant to a radio host, in Night Vale?

Oh! Well isn’t that just a delight! It’s always wonderful to welcome someone new into our little town, especially a desert-neighbor! I’m not quite sure why they look identical to my own assistant, but I’m happy regardless that they have the chance to spend some time in sunny, perfect,  _productive_ Desert Bluffs!

You should see them, listeners. They look just my assistant; their eyes are bright, their smile is joyous, their entire body seems to radiate that same positivity and energy that I have come to love and adore  _endlessly_. 

It will be sad when they have to leave, especially since they seem to have such quality skills and talents that would work so well in our little studio but, like all things in the universe there is a time, place and monetary value assigned to them–they’ll have to return to their home just like how our very own assistant of mine found their home  _with **me**. _

Goodness, my apologies listeners! I of course mean ‘us’–I couldn’t  _keep_  my dear, precious assistant all to  _myself_ , could I? They’re already such a beloved member or our community!

But that’s enough of my silly rambling, Desert Bluffs; you all want to hear an update on the storm outside don’t you? I’m sure all of you are just  _shivering_  with excitement at your front doors, just waiting for it to be done so all of you can return to your work places and continue on all the hard work you had been doing before it started up, especially since I’m getting reports that most home work units that we all have installed in our homes are malfunctioning. 

Goodness, this sandstorm seems to be causing quite a lot of issues and damages, listeners–please make sure that all of you stay safe!


	6. Kevin: w/Male, Angel!Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Request** : (male) angel reader as kevin's assistant...

Good morning new Desert Bluffs! Or have we decided on Desert Bluffs Too? The decision is still ongoing, so keep an ear out when those details are finally hammered out!

To start off with some good news: things have been coming along perfectly for the new school being constructed on the corner of Marks and Main Street. It’s expected to have state-of-the-art classrooms, include new computers, gym equipment, and–get this–a portal that goes to nowhere! 

That’s right listeners, our children will be able to get the quality education they deserve, and even be able to literally slip into nonexistence between planes of reality, with the possibility of never returning!

Oh, how news like this make me miss when I was a kid myself. Call me a little old fashioned Desert Bluffs, but I remember when we had to  _make_  our own portals if we wanted to not exist. All the time and the effort and the blood sacrifices–a messy business, but it’s good to know that our town will have a school we can be proud of!

Now for some great news! You all remember my assistant, right, the cute guy who’s also my boyfriend? Well, I know that the last time I spoke about him it was a bit…well…a bit rocky, admittedly, but I want all of you to know that we are doing much better! It took a little getting used to for me, but we’ve worked things out–oh, for those who didn’t listen to the last broadcast about this, Desert Bluffs, I don’t mean that my boyfriend and I had a fight or anything at all; I simply mean that he’s an angel!

Literally. He’s literally a multi-armed, multi-winged, multi-eyed-on-occasion heavenly creature. 

My  _background_  had me see angels mostly as…corporate enemies, so to speak, but you’d be surprised what a bit of exposure and a lot of love will do!

You’d be amazed at how helpful it is for him to have more than two hands. For a lot of things.

 _A **lot**_  of  _things._

_*clears throat*_

Like organizing records! And finding books! And other….well, radio-specific things of course, it has made his job a lot easier.

But I’m sorry, listeners! I didn’t mean to ramble for too long about that–I know you’re all probably hoping to get an update on the new ice cream shop that’s opened up in the town square. 

Let’s check back with Old Woman Josephine about how she’s enjoying the new flavors being offered, like ‘endless suffering’ and ‘blood n’ bits’…


	7. Poly Cecil & Carlos: Haircut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: both the reader and Carlos get a buzzcut and Cecil faints on the spot

Listeners, a tragedy has fallen over Night Vale on this day. No longer can we look into the night sky and search for benevolence and mercy on our insignificant lives, because the being who offers such silly things must surely not exist or, at least today, has revealed themselves as nothing but a  _monster_.

Night Vale oh, oh my beautiful Night Vale, how can I communicate the misery I’ve seen? How can I help you understand the pain and torment that I had to bare witness to today? Oh, where to begin with it all…

I regret to inform all of you that-….

I….am sorry to explain that today-….

[ _Cecil sighs_ ]

Carlos and our partner, my assistant, decided that they would go together to get a haircut. Though I love their lovely, beautiful locks–and you know how much I do, listeners–I had to accept the fact that they are absolutely allowed to do it; they are their own people, or so we’ve been led to believe about ourselves.

After all, I thought to myself ‘what’s wrong with a small, insignificant trim? Surely it can’t be  _that_  bad, especially if it makes them happy!’

Oh, I had been such a fool, such a naive fool to the merciless ways of the universe–there truly is no kind force out there, because otherwise I wouldn’t have been exposed to such emotional  **torment** _._

The two of them came home and I, of course, was practicing on my skills of non-belief–you know, I had to keep practice, I was even using a photo of a  _supposed_  mountain. It’s healthy to train regularly in your ability to un-believe in things, lest we know what happens if we don’t!

…Well, no amount of unbelieving could replace what I saw when the two of them stepped through the front door.

Oh the terror, listeners, the absolute  _horror_  that I felt when I saw that–that–

[ _Cecil sputters for several moments_ ]

They had shaved off almost all of it! Every inch, every lock, every sweet curl and soft strand–it was all gone! Shaved clean off!

I stood there in a panic and–…well….

I uh, fainted, after a few moments. 

As far as I know I woke up several hours later in bed between both of them. Hair still gone, such beauty and perfection lost from the face of our world and into whatever trash receptacle such a  _monster_  tossed it into. 

Oh, I’m not sure if I even want to know who has committed such an atrocity upon our town. As much as I would love to shake my fist and chant ancient blood rituals to whoever’s hands are responsible for this tragedy, I know it is only one silly aspect of vengeance in our grand universe.

They’re still perfect, of course, Carlos and our partner. They’re both still perfect with their perfect eyes, perfect smile, perfect lips and kisses and-

[ _Cecil clears his throat_ ]

I uh. They’re still my partners, whether their perfect hair is on their heads or not; Carlos keeps reminding me after all that ‘hair grows back, science says so–look at this graph I made right here about it Cecil’, so I suppose I should respect his knowledge on the subject.

Stay tuned next for the realization that you have left your stove on and–

Nope, I gotcha! You didn’t leave your stove on!

….Or did you?


	8. Poly Cecil & Carlos: Carnival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: Okay so we all know the reader is an Outsider. What happens when the carnival comes to town and they want to go on that romantic date that Cecil almost gets tempted by? It would be so nice, especially since they're both missing their third half and it would be good to take their mind off things for a nice evening, don't you think, Cecil?

Alright, listeners, I know exactly what you’re thinking right now. If you and your families weren’t out there that night, or the night after, or the third night after that–in fact I think the entire town must have been there so…

Well, if you and your families were somehow caught in a dimensional rift and were unable to visit the carnival that recently came into town, then I must properly explain the atmosphere of that night for you to understand how we, Night Vale, took such a risk.

Er. How one specific, particular,  _very weak-willed_  radio show host of Night Vale, took it upon himself and  _may or may not_  have used powers above human comprehension to make the suggestion of letting the carnival in. I mean, I’m pretty sure that the radio host had a very good reason to do so–a very good, very adorable, very cute-eyed and quivering-smiled, pleading reason and….

_[Cecil sighs]_

Me and my mate have been missing Carlos for a while, listeners.

He’s been gone for…goodness, he’s actually been gone for months now. We…really miss him–I mean there’s only so much that texts and phone calls can do, and our mate’s been lonely since I’ve been taking on extra shifts at the radio station, and we both thought that a date at the carnival would have been so nice and I–

I think you all know what it’s like. Some of you out there who have been in love, some of you who are in love right now. Whether that love is platonic, romantic or even takes place in another plane of reality, you know what that feeling is like. I trust that you do, Night Vale, because I couldn’t just stand there and watch this carnival get run out of town no matter how strongly I felt about it. 

It had been the first time I saw my mate smile so brightly in a long time, since what happened several months ago. And you know what? It was worth it. Listeners, the carnival was lovely–it had lights and prizes and games, just about everything we had hoped for and feared at the same time. 

Though we all feared, feared like we fear for our lives every night in the darkened corner of our bedrooms, chanting for our lives in the face of an unforgiving universe, we took a chance and have come out of that decision all the stronger for it. We stood together, Night Vale, united–though we were a wounded town by the forces of StrexCorp, we stood together and did not let that pain define us as a town. 

We simply can’t let it.

No, no we stood together and trusted those of us whom we love very, very much. We wanted to see them happy, hear their laugh, to share something with them so that our bond may grow stronger still. I saw Old Woman Josie and her  _very tall_  friends on several of the small rides, I saw John Peters–you know, the farmer?–trying out some of the games and even winning one of the biggest prizes: immunity in death from all things, except for bears.

I saw so many of you havin so much fun, Night Vale!

And…

_[Cecil sighs again, wistful. A smile is heard in his voice]_

Though we didn’t have Carlos with us, I saw my mate smile and laugh when I, though I was really,  _really_  bad at it, managed to win a prize at one of the games and give it to them. It’s a stuffed cat that looks a little like Khoshekh, spine ridges and all. It’s sitting on my desk right now in fact, listeners–they told me to bring it with me so I can look at it and think of them while I’m working.

Honestly, I didn’t think there was any need for it, seeing as they and Carlos are all I can ever think about when I work.

But it’s sitting here, a reminder of the carnival…and the sight of their beautiful smile.

_[There is a slight, soft pause]_

And now, let’s go over to a traffic update.


End file.
